THRIVE Trauma Recovery Coaching Blog

Let's face it - recovering from traumatic abuse is tough.  There's no two ways about it.  But recovery should not be an isolating experience.   Does your shame about what was done to you drive you into the shadows? It's time for a new model of recovery from traumatic abuse.  It's time for survivors to heal OUT LOUD AND PROUD. How can you start to do it? By claiming the wonder that is you as a survivor.  So take a seat, Beloved and lemme tell you the tale of YOU. Put The Shame Where It Belongs      Someone did something to you. Something painful, something terrible, something shameful.  But the shameful part doesn't belong to you.  It belongs to the shameless, creepy person that abused you. As survivors we MUST stop carrying the shame of our perpetrators.  We can't heal completely without doing so.  Many coaches insist that you can't even START the healing journey in earnest until you let go of the shame.      Holding onto the shame creates collateral

  The Allegory of the Snake A snake is lying in the middle of a dark road on a cold, frosty night, slowly dying from exposure and hunger.  A young woman is walking down the road when she encounters the snake by nearly stepping on him.  Predictably, the snake hisses and coils up.  But then, considering his predicament, he thinks better of the attack and instead calls out to the woman.  "Please help me! I'm so cold and hungry!  Take me home with you and let me warm myself by the fire".  The woman shrinks back and exclaims, "No, I certainly won't! You're a snake and you will bite me."      The snake uncoils itself and lies on its back pitifully and beseeches the girl "No, no I won't. I'd be grateful. I wouldn't bite you.  Just pick me up and slide me in your pocket where it's warm and take me home so that I won't die in the cold dark night on this road all alone."  In spite of the snake's sharp glistening fangs an

Does this sound familiar? "Oh yeah? Well, what about when you . . . ."  "You always over-react." "I refuse to listen to this" "I never did that.  You're crazy." "I never do anything right, do I?" "I dunno why I tolerate your craziness." "You need your head examined." "You know how you are . . . " "At least my ex wasn't as crazy as you are"    "You're not as pretty as my ex."      The internet is full of content about narcissists, much of it described in the abstract.  But what does verbal narcissistic abuse actually look and sound like? Better yet, what does it FEEL like?        If you feel down, less than or demeaned whenever you spend time with someone, that's a BIG red flag that you're dealing with a narcissist. Narcissistic abuse is particularly mean and ugly because it is calculated to cut you to the core . . . . to dam